Some days I walk this path and I am so clear. So certain that I am heading in the right direction. There are signs all around me and I believe that I am right where I am supposed to be and doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. 

Some days I awake from my deep slumber. I roll out of bed, get dressed, and lace up my shoes. I grab my coffee and head back to the path, hoping to pick up the trail where I left it the day before. 

Some days, with optimism in my heart and coffee in hand, I stand in stupefied silence. I scan the landscape in awe. I cannot find the trail. 

And once more I am lost. 
Once more I am second guessing. 
Once more my destination seems frivolous. 
Once more everything I have built seems to come crashing down. 

I sit on the hard, cold ground. I wish for a map or a fellow hiker to appear. I look outside of myself for the answers. I lament with every fiber of my being. I desperately long to be anywhere other than right where I am. I chastise myself in comparison to all the others who never seem to lose their way. 

I sigh and think, “Not again …”

I feel a victim to my circumstance. 
I feel trapped in my mind. 
I sit in pain and shame and fear and confusion and hopelessness. 
It is very, very cold. It is very, very lonely. 

It is morning. And as each moment passes, the sun rises higher in the sky. It warms my back, pushing away the darkness, it slowly bathes the landscape in golden light. It is beautiful. 
I listen to the birds chirping. 
I breathe in the pungent smell of the earth covered in dew. 
I slowly realize my cup is not empty. 

It is full of delicious hot coffee!

I laugh at myself thinking, “How bad can it really be when at the very least you have hot, fresh coffee?!” The water came out of the tap. I did not have to walk for miles to fetch it. The water boiled easily on the stove. I did not have to gather wood to build a fire. The cream was in the fridge. I did not have to traipse out to the cows waiting in the barn. 

Just moments ago I am wishing I am someone other than myself and anywhere other than here. And, clearly stuck being myself, moments later I can smile and appreciate how quickly I was able to turn this day around with something as simple as sunshine and a cup of coffee. 

Moments ago I am completely lost. Uncertain of the way forward. Destination unknown. 
Moments later, seated at my desk with pen in hand, once more I find myself. Exactly where I am supposed to be. Doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.